I sat on the beach today and closed my eyes. The wind blew recklessly, blowing my hair in all directions. I took a deep breath and held it in… then slowly let it out like a wisher from my lips. I felt the brief moments of sun on my face as it soaked into my skin. I slipped my shoes off and dug my feet into the sand. I could smell the salt water and almost touch summer. I opened my eyes, water glistening in front of me, I found a shell in the sand and moved it in circular motion next to me. I squinted, even through my sunglasses at the scene in front of me, wondering how we get to a point in our lives where we don’t understand ourselves. How can we be so on target and then wake up the next day falling off a cliff?
It was windy, I should have brought a jacket but the fact that I didn’t seemed to fit right in. I got in the car this morning and drove until I got to the beach. Then I sat on the beach today by myself trying to remember how to breath. Trying to focus on something, anything that would make me feel better. Until I remembered that I can make myself feel better. I am the keeper of my own happiness. We all have hard days and we all struggle sometimes but that’s when we need to stop.. and breath…
and enjoy a few hours on the beach soaking up the sun : )
*Don’t mind the iPhoneography*
Thank the good lord it’s Friday! For some Friday fun I’m posting a few things from my “All things fun” board on pinterest! To see the full board click here!
For all of us on the east coast who are dying for SUMMER, who doesn’t want a pool like this in their backyard??
How ridiculous is it that I am completely smitten with the idea of a bookshelf staircase?! Come on people!
This one is for the photog friends! Just tell me when and where I get one!
No explanation needed.
Loser. Is that what you’re thinking when you see this?! Not me, it’s totally adorable, although I can’t decide what’s better the coffee mug or the ice cream container?
And…well because who doesn’t like FRIENDS, here’s a menu idea for your next dinner party!
Happy Friday! Have a fabulous weekend friends : )
Can you believe we’re in MARCH already?!?!? It’s unbelievable how fast time flies!! So to kick off this month, I am posting two screen shots of my “Clover and Lucky Charms” Pinterest Board!!
I just LOVE all the green on this board, it makes me think of spring : ) What are you looking forward to in March?!
Happy birthday to the bestest mommy ever! You have done such an amazing job with the four of us and we owe you for everything we’ve accomplished so far in our lives. None of us say it enough but THANK YOU. Thank you for all the you’ve done and continue to do for us! I hope you have an awesome birthday and a year full of happiness!! We love you mom!
I do not need to take care of anyone but myself. I do not need to take care of anyone but myself. I do not need to take care of anyone but myself.
You know how in old movies the kid gets in trouble and the teacher makes him write “I will not interrupt class again” a hundred times? I feel like that’s what I should be doing with the statement above. “I do not need to take care of anyone but myself”. NEED is the key word in that sentence. I do not NEED to take care of anyone but myself.
Buuuuut, if you know me you know I’d argue that. And I’d put up a damn good fight because taking care of other people is all I’ve ever known. It’s what I’ve been good at, what I’ve been sure of. It was WHO I WAS. WAS is the keyword in this sentence. And trying to change that AM into WAS is not an easy task, let me tell you.
I am a people pleaser (so I’m told : ) and I don’t like to say no. I am always willing to help and very often find myself at a loss of time or energy to complete my own goals because I’m busy helping others complete theirs. For a long time I was ok with that, I was fueled by that and it worked. But, eventually I ran out of things to do for people and I started to get tired. Tired of always running the show for someone else. Tired of chasing their dreams instead of my own. Tired of not having any time I enjoyed.
And so the, “I don’t need to take care of anyone but myself” sentence came about. That’s not to say I don’t still want to help people. That’s not to say I don’t still actually help people. It just means that I’m picking the people I want to be there for and I’m learning to live my life following my own dreams.
As a friend of mine once said, “You have to write your own map”.
YOU HAVE TO WRITE YOUR OWN MAP.
Those are powerful words and he couldn’t be more right. So today, I made that list I promised to write and I’m focusing on following my own map. But please be patient if I loose my way once or twice. I am after all following a map I’ve never traveled before : )
Today I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted and I have a headache. As I sit here and stare at the screen, watching the curser blink, I’m willing my brain to spit out the words I feel in my heart.
With the exhaustion and headache comes a quiet version of myself. Unusually quiet. A version of me that’s stuck in my head, full of either blank spots or crowding noise.
It’s the kind of exhaustion that makes you feel almost weak, pushing you through the day on the basis of your responsibilities. The kind of exhaustion where you just want a hug. A hug so you don’t have to feel so alone against the world on a day that you’re sleep walking through…..so you don’t have to feel so weak because you have someone else’s strength around you.
I would love to climb into bed right now and wake up to start the day again or to wake up tomorrow morning. But I know that we should NEVER wish our days away because there’s a time we won’t have any left. Wishing a day away erases all that you accomplished that day (even the smallest of things) and all the people you spent time with, and who wants that? I don’t.
It’s 5:00 and I’m justing writing this post, but I’m writing it. I didn’t push it off or tell myself I’ll do it tomorrow. If nothing else, I accomplished this today and as small as that may seem, it’s something.
So, as the day is coming to an end and night is falling on us in only a matter of hours I will NOT wish my day away..but I might still hope I get that hug : )
I didn’t intend for this blog to become so much about writing. So much about me and my personal struggles. I didn’t intend that these struggles would have so little to do with photography or specifically, my photography. I didn’t intend to share with the Internet how life can really pull us down and bring us back up, all at the same time.
I didn’t intend……but it happened.
And it’s ok that it happened because sharing who I am is half the battle. Being open and communicative is half the battle. Shedding light on the truth is half the battle.
The next few weeks are jam packed with shooting (thank the Lord J will be by my side!), coffee dates, helping one of my best friends plan her wedding and hopefully having some fun : ) So if you see a little more writing on the blog this month, know that the photos are a comin’ so keep on checking back, and if you feel the desire to read and follow along on my journey I am blessed to have you!