The way my story goes feels like a ferris wheel. One that never stops spinning and yet somehow manages to let people off – or out of my story. Sometimes I wish I could get off the ferris wheel and create a new story for myself…but then I remember how far I’ve come.
To say that I am 100% where I want to be in my life at this moment would be a lie. Most people would probably agree that they aren’t where they want to be either. Yet we keep forging on, writing page after page, crossing out and erasing what we don’t want to include. And the chapters begin to grow. Or maybe they don’t because you have writers block and just don’t know how to make that one chapter end. So you keep spinning around on the ferris wheel waiting for someone to stop it for you. But it doesn’t happen. Not for me, or you, or the president or even God. Because if someone stopped the ferris wheel for you they would be writing the end of that chapter and the story would blend between theirs and your own.
I’ve been a writer since as long as I can remember and a huge part of that came from needing an escape. Although the story I keep adding to all these years later is my own, somehow writing it made it feel less like I was living it. And the more painful or tragic things that happened in my life, the longer my chapters got, the thicker my story became.
As I continue to learn the secrets this life holds for us I realize that most of the story has been about the things that happened in my life that I couldn’t control. The more things I couldn’t stop from happening the more I wrote. The more I was affected by the stories around me the more narrow mine became.
Recently I haven’t written much and that scares me because what if my ability to write only comes out of the bad things that have happened or may happen to me? What if my story continues to stay on a narrow path? Who is in control of my story then? Who decides how my chapters end?
My ferris wheel of a life is still spinning and it probably always will be because the person I am cares to much, loves with every fiber in my body, and puts herself out there to help anyone who needs it. The difference now is that my ferris wheel is going to include a much prettier view and my story will broaden and I will choose how my chapters end.
Not every day is going to be wonderful but that doesn’t mean my story shouldn’t be.