I do not need to take care of anyone but myself. I do not need to take care of anyone but myself. I do not need to take care of anyone but myself.
You know how in old movies the kid gets in trouble and the teacher makes him write “I will not interrupt class again” a hundred times? I feel like that’s what I should be doing with the statement above. “I do not need to take care of anyone but myself”. NEED is the key word in that sentence. I do not NEED to take care of anyone but myself.
Buuuuut, if you know me you know I’d argue that. And I’d put up a damn good fight because taking care of other people is all I’ve ever known. It’s what I’ve been good at, what I’ve been sure of. It was WHO I WAS. WAS is the keyword in this sentence. And trying to change that AM into WAS is not an easy task, let me tell you.
I am a people pleaser (so I’m told : ) and I don’t like to say no. I am always willing to help and very often find myself at a loss of time or energy to complete my own goals because I’m busy helping others complete theirs. For a long time I was ok with that, I was fueled by that and it worked. But, eventually I ran out of things to do for people and I started to get tired. Tired of always running the show for someone else. Tired of chasing their dreams instead of my own. Tired of not having any time I enjoyed.
And so the, “I don’t need to take care of anyone but myself” sentence came about. That’s not to say I don’t still want to help people. That’s not to say I don’t still actually help people. It just means that I’m picking the people I want to be there for and I’m learning to live my life following my own dreams.
As a friend of mine once said, “You have to write your own map”.
YOU HAVE TO WRITE YOUR OWN MAP.
Those are powerful words and he couldn’t be more right. So today, I made that list I promised to write and I’m focusing on following my own map. But please be patient if I loose my way once or twice. I am after all following a map I’ve never traveled before : )